Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
