I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
