so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
