Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
