Sacagawea was the original milf.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
