ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...