Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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