When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's