just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.