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• (847): View more from Illinois

  my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I'm with your mom on this one.

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• (915): View more from Texas

  I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic

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• (352): View more from Florida

  You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible

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• (818): View more from California

  The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer

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• (516): View more from New York

  8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them

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• (660): View more from Missouri

  Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded

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• (434): View more from Virginia

  If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.

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