Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?