not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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