he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
