Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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