as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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