I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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