Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
