After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
