I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
