I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
