Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
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