So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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