All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
