im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
