I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
