I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Randomize
