You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he shaved USA in his pubs
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
