I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When are your genitals available?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
