i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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