everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
