I'm laying in your front yard are you home
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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