know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
