So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
