Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
