Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
