I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
