So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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