I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
