Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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