You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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