You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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