Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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