It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
