i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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