i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
