im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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