I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you traded sex for a burrito?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So vagazzling was a success
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
