I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize