I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
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Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
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You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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