I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
