I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
