At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
