It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
