My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
