feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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