Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
