There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
