I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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