she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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