I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
