it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
