I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
