I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
