Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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