Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
