if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Text me some of your sweat
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