tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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