She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I am naked and annoyed.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
