i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
