and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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