Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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