He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
