Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
