Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
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I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
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The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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