How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
