i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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