Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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