What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
