it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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