I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
