and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
