Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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