Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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