Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
