Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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