he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
