I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
